February 2018Back Home Again: February 2018

Monday, February 19, 2018

Cameron Eight Months

I'm flabbergasted that I'm writing Cam's eight month update. His first year has been flying by and while he's at a really fun age now, I'm so not ready for my baby to be one. 

He turned eight months old on the 15th and loves life. He sits up very well and manages to move himself generally where he wants to go even though he's not crawling. The other two were crawling by eight months so I keep telling myself every kid is different and not to freak out. He is very verbal and constantly babbling though so maybe he's working on that right now instead. I'm pretty sure he was yelling at me a few days ago when one of his toys got out of his reach and he wanted me to get it. This kid can also eat. He just goes to town with whatever we give him.

As for me, physically this kid has wreaked havoc on my body during pregnancy and I'm still dealing with some issues. It's incredibly frustrating and I'm just over it. Stupid hormones. I am finally getting into a regular running/workout routine and that is really nice. Especially considering I have a 10 mile race and a half marathon coming up this spring. Now if only my running clothes fit...

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Taking a Facebreak

Yesterday I decided to take a Facebrak for awhile. As you know, I've been suffering from post-partum depression. I already don't follow a bunch of people that I'm friends with because for numerous reasons seeing their posts was upsetting. I also deleted the Facebook app from my phone so I wouldn't get notifications nonstop and be a little less plugged in. However, I started using my phone's browser more and more to check. But yesterday I just couldn't take it anymore. I have good days and bad days, but Facebook in general makes me feel even worse about myself than I already do. So, I deactivated my account. 

Am I suffering from FOMO? A little. I know that some people only communicate through Facebook and that I will miss out on invites to birthday parties, game nights and other events. I even had a friend flat out tell me that they just don't have time to text. But for my own mental health I just can't look at all the happy go lucky photos or the political rants and memes right now. I know that people usually only share the happy moments, but it makes me feel like crap. Intellectually, yes I know that I have a pretty good life, but how I feel most days is a different matter. That's the beauty of depression. 

As I enter my late 30's I've realized that I just can't with so many people. Maybe it's a bad attitude to have but I'm so over constantly getting my feelings hurt and I just need a break.
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