2018Back Home Again: 2018

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Cameron One Year

This guy turned ONE YEAR OLD on Friday.


If I'm completely honest, it was a bittersweet day for me. He's my last baby, so it was my last first birthday. Not only that, but his birth was really rough so that was on my mind as well. Add to it that we should've been celebrating two babies and let's just say that there were some tears leading up to and including the day. Not to mention that Cecily had a rough day because it wasn't her birthday. 

I tried really hard to focus on getting ready for his party and focus on spending the day with my super happy kid. We had a chill day and celebrated with some cupcakes we had gotten once Alan and Ewan came home from Cub Scout camp. 


I said this about Cecily but he might also be my destructive, rough and tumble kid too. He loves to just crawl right through and over things and probably his favorite thing to do right now is throw and bang on things. He's currently cutting all four one year molars and nursing is suffering as a result. Considering I wasn't sure I was going to make it to six months when he was born I'll take getting to a year. He also says Mama and up and I'm pretty sure I've heard him say more a couple times, when he's eating. 

Speaking of eating, this kid is a disposal. He LOVES food. As such, his birthday theme was A Very Hungry Cameron aka The Very Hungry Caterpillar. We just had a small party with family and a few close friends. It was super simple to do too. I made the caterpillar cake out of cupcakes and the head was Cam's smash cake. 


All the food was food from the book. 


It was a great time all around and it was so nice not to be super stressed out and fighting with Alan before the party, which is what always happens when we have a party at our house. I'm so glad everything turned out well. Happy First Birthday my sweet little man!




Sunday, May 20, 2018

Peace, Run and Harmony Half Marathon

Yesterday I ran the Peace, Run and Harmony Half Marathon in New Harmony, Indiana. It was the first year for this race, which replaced the River Run because the bridge across the Ohio River it goes across is under construction for the next few years. New Harmony is a small town about 25 miles from Evansville and was founded by the Harmonists, a German utopian community in 1814. Alan and I have actually done a lot of work at the state historic site that's out there in grad school and through my old job, so I've been there a bunch of times, but never really to enjoy the sights. I should've taken some photos while out there but I didn't think about it until I got home. 

I honestly wasn't feeling the race at all and was thisclose to not going. I really wanted to watch the Royal Wedding and am getting over a cold. Plus Cameron was not happy that I was leaving. However, I knew that if I didn't go I would be mad at myself for not showing up. So I dragged myself away from the wedding and drove the 45 minutes out there. 

Mile 1: 13:39
Mile 2: 13:55
Mile 3: 13:33

I knew it was going to be hot and humid but I wasn't prepared for how nasty it really was. I'm so glad I bought a handheld water bottle a few weeks ago because I would've died without it. I didn't really have a goal for the race other than to finish, but I was hoping to finish around three hours. I lined up with the three hour pacer thinking that since I have been doing intervals I should be able to keep up for some if not most of the race. Except once we started going she said that she was running the whole way and maybe walking a few of the hills. Yeah, I knew there was no way I was going to be able to keep pace so I decided to stick with her for as long as I could then keep her in my sights, which I did for about half the race. 

Mile 4: 14:28
Mile 5: 12:31
Mile 6: 13:44

While there were definitely some hills during the first half of the race, I was doing fairly well. I needed to average a 13:44 pace to finish under three hours. I didn't really think I was going to do it but I was hopeful and so far so good. The race was an out and back through the town to the state park and I was flying downhill in the state park. Until the turnaround when I had to go back up. 

Mile 7: 14:03
Mile 8: 14:09
Mile 9: 15:29

I had been walking uphill and running the rest and adopted a walk/run back up the hills out of the park but I was running out of water and super hot. I finally got to a water stop and one of the volunteers refilled my bottle for me. He was a lifesaver. I started running with a woman from Louisville around mile 9 and we had a really good conversation and helped each other through the race. 

Mile 10: 15:05
Mile 11: 16:00
Mile 12: 16:13

Once we got on the paved trail from the park back to the town, about mile 10, I was hoping to run the rest of the way but I could tell she was struggling so I decided to stick with her to the end. It was almost completely shaded in the state park, which helped with the heat but we were in the sun for a couple miles at the end and it was awful. They were handing out water bottles at some point and instead of drinking it I just dumped the entire thing on my head. 

Mile 13: 14:18

We had been doing a walk/run for the last four or so miles and the last half mile of the race was in town so we ran the rest of the way and sprinted to the finish. The race was short the 0.1 so as I walked to the car I got my 0.1 to make it a true half marathon on my watch. I thought I had finished in 3:04 and some change but my official time is 3:08:11. 


The sub-three hour half marathon remains elusive but I'm glad I went and finished. I even got to watch the Royal Wedding in its entirety when I got back. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Cameron 11 Months

How did my baby boy turn 11 months old yesterday?! His first birthday is almost here for real and I purchased some decorations for it yesterday. Blows my mind. 


He's not pulling up or cruising yet, although he is definitely trying to pull up to his knees on some things. He's Army crawling all over the place and we had to put the baby gates up about a week ago. He claps all the time and his latest thing is dancing when he hears music. It's so cute! 

His sleeping has gone to crap and he wakes up almost every two hours like clockwork. I felt in his mouth a couple days ago and his gums feel swollen on one side where he will get his first year molars so I'm wondering if that's part of it. Since he got six teeth within a month, I wouldn't be surprised if they were already starting to come in. 

He signs more and I swear I have heard a few Mama's in there, although Alan thinks I'm nuts. He also shakes his head no when he doesn't want something. Separation anxiety has kicked in big time and he freaks out whenever I leave. We went to the Y this morning and I'm so glad Cecily is already out of school and was with him because he was freaking out, poor kid. 

Overall he's a happy boy though and I'm so thankful I've been able to stay home with him this past year. I can't believe my next update will be when he's ONE!


Sunday, May 13, 2018

Mother's Day 2018

I started the day with a 6.5 mile run down to some trails (yes, I know... :-) ) and back. I haven't gotten a lot of miles in since my cray running weekend and since I have yet another half next weekend, I needed to get a longer run in. I knew Alan and the kids had something up their sleeves because Cecily has been hinting all week. That and Alan had left a photo order up on my laptop, Oops!

Even though I got sidelined by some mud and it's super hot out, I had a good run. After doing Backside these trails were a piece of cake. I finally got myself a handheld water bottle with a gift card I forgot I had and tested it out. I'm so glad I had it because I definitely needed the water in the heat. Since it's supposed to be just as hot next weekend I will totally be taking it with me. 

Alan had been bugging me about how long I was going to be gone and then I got a text that it was "safe" to come home. When I got here, I found this waiting for me:


I love it! It will go up in the office along with the photos. I have been wanting a medal rack for ages and Alan made this for me. He also went out and grabbed us lunch and has been doing things around the house I have been asking him to do while I hold a sleeping baby in the papasan chair and catch up on my reading. It's been a low key Mother's Day and I love it. Hope all you moms out there are also having a great day!

What did you do for Mother's Day?

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Backside Trail Half Marathon

Sunday I ran the Backside Trail Half Marathon after doing the River City 10 Miler the day before. I wasn't sure how my legs would feel going into this race but they surprisingly didn't feel that bad Sunday morning. The arch in my left foot was sore and that is also the foot that is prone to plantar fasciitis. Other than that, the only issue I had was that it had dipped into the upper 30's and I was freezing! I had capris on this time but short sleeves and no jacket. I knew I would warm up eventually but until then my hands were going numb. 


This was my first half since before Cameron and since I wasn't able to do the Disney half I had signed up for, I decided I was wearing the shirt I would've worn for that race. It's the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland...I'm weird and like the villains :-) I said I didn't have any expectations for either race this weekend and I really meant it for this one. I almost never run trails because I'm a klutz and I have a healthy fear of being hacked to death in the woods by myself. When I do run them, they are pretty flat. This race runs through two parks in Louisville, both of which are hilly. I've ran the Healthcare Classic and Urban Bourbon on the roads through Cherokee so I had an idea of what to expect. Or so I thought, ha! My fastest half was right at three hours so I was hoping to finish between 3.5 and 4 hours. 

Mile 1: 15:02
Mile 2: 18:00
Mile 3: 17:38

We started out running through grass to spread out before entering the single track trails. My initial plan was to stick with my friend at first and then go from there but I had lost her within the first mile. She took this picture of all the runners and all I can think is how skinny I look from behind so I thought I would share. 


Before I completely lost her, I told her that I could definitely feel it in my legs that I had run the day before and I remember telling myself that it's all a mental game and I would be fine later on. Once we got into the woods everyone really spread out - there was a married couple behind me and a girl in front of me, but those were the only people I saw. I was trying to stay close to the girl in front of me to make sure I was going the right way but within mile 2, I tripped and lost my shoe and got passed by the married couple. We wound up running mostly together through miles 3-6.

Mile 4: 15:22
Mile 5: 16:25
Mile 6: 18:24

I didn't take many pictures of the trails but during the early miles I was thinking that there is something to be said for being out there running in nature. We were running along a creek and it was pretty nice. I had warmed up and the temperature had warmed up and it was perfect running weather. Once we got into the second park I stopped at an aid station and the married couple kept going so while I could see them, we weren't together anymore. I was keeping them in my sights so they could navigate instead of me :-) The route was marked and I good with directions, but you never know. I found out at the finish that a girl I passed had actually missed a marker and wound up running 15 miles instead because she ran a section twice. Oops! 

I did take one photo of the trail, immediately after the aid station. We basically were on a "trail" that was on a rock outcropping. Part of it was so scary that I went down on my butt so I didn't fall. If only I knew what was in store for me later...


Mile 7: 17:52
Mile 8: 20:13
Mile 9: 19:22

Between miles 7 and 8 I tripped and fell. Faceplanted. I was so stunned I just kind of laid there for a few minutes. I got up and kept going, but after that I was way more careful and walked a lot more. I got to another aid station and when they asked me how I was I told them I was over it. They told me that I'm now an official trail runner because I fell and that I wasn't the only one that day. I knew I would finish but I was still over it. It was somewhere in here where there were these two guys mountain biking on the trails and passing me over and over again. I know they were just out doing their thing too but they were getting on my nerves because I kept having to move out of the way. I was just like really, you have to choose this particular path out of all the trails out here?!

Mile 10: 20:22
Mile 11: 25:08
Mile 12: 19:53

I had completely lost the couple ahead of me when I fell so aside from the annoying bikers, I was alone and beginning to lose it at this point. My knees had begun hurting around mile 6 and after I fell it got way worse. I just kept telling myself keep moving because if you don't you're gonna get stuck. I was also seriously contemplating texting Alan to tell him to send me an Uber because I was done. I was almost at 11 miles when my friend texted me telling me she was at 10 miles and asking where I was. I told her that she was gonna catch me and that I was never doing this again. I stopped at the final aid station, chugged some Powerade and water and kept going. A large chunk of mile 12 was on the road that connects the parks and I was so excited because I thought we just ran up the road to the finish. Oh no, we had to go back on the trail we had run to get there. I just remember screaming noooooo and that I hate trails. 

Mile 13: 17:38

The last mile ran along a golf course, as had mile 5. Trying to distract myself to the finish I thought how funny it would be if my father-in-law was out golfing at this course...I found out later that he was although he didn't see me. By this point I was getting passed by the lead marathoners who had run the course twice. They were all super encouraging, letting me know how close we were to the finish. I finally came out of the woods, asked the person directing traffic where to go and sprinted to the finish. I came in just under my goal of four hours, finishing in 3:58:28, even though the course was short. I knew my friend was probably right behind me so after getting my medal and post race snacks I waited for her to finish. Here I am, barely able to move.


I'm glad I did it but I don't know if I will again. Never say never though, right? Trail running just isn't my thing so I will probably stick to shorter races on trails next time. 

Monday, April 30, 2018

River City Ten Miler

Remember a few weeks ago when I ran the Papa John's Ten Miler and I said that I had two races one weekend at the end of the month? Well it was this past weekend and I do believe I was completely crazy! 

Saturday I ran the River City Ten Miler here in Evansville. It was designed to be a training run for the Peace, Love and Harmony Half coming up in May and I originally wasn't planning on doing the race. But when I saw the cool medal I decided to go for it. 


It was a chilly morning and while I knew I would warm up once we started, I was freezing! I went into both races this weekend with little to no expectations. I'm somewhat undertrained and the last longish run I did started out beautifully then completely fell apart the last half. So basically my goals were to finish and not die. I told Alan to expect me to finish between 2:15 and 2:30.

Mile 1: 12:55
Mile 2: 12:32
Mile 3: 13:09

I;m not where I was before Cameron so I was just going to go out there and see what I could do. As usual, pretty much everyone passed me in the first mile or so but once people start tiring and walking I would pass them because slow and steady finishes the race as I like to say. 

Mile 4: 12:49
Mile 5: 12:49
Mile 6: 12:49

Even splits! This almost never happens. It's relatively flat along the Greenway but I was running the flats and downhills and run/walking the inclines and not going out too fast like I normally do paid off. I was playing leapfrog with several groups of women but I finally lost them between miles 4-5. Somewhere around mile 6 I had to pee but I was determined not to stop because I was doing so much better than I anticipated. 


Mile 7: 12:54
Mile 8: 12:51
Mile 9: 13:08

I started counting down the miles until I could pee and telling myself each step was closer to the bathroom. The course was two out and backs and up on the levee it was super windy. At one point it felt like I was running in sand but I wasn't going any slower. 

Mile 10: 12:34

Once I hit mile 9 I was so happy. Until I saw that instead of crossing back into the park and running the shortest distance to the finish we had to run around the whole thing. I just wanted to be done. I had texted Alan around mile 6 to let him know where I was and was hoping he was there with the kids. Then from across the pond I heard Cecily. I looked over and saw them all in the grass and started crying. I wanted to walk so bad and those kids are what got me to the finish. They are a big part of the reason I run, to show them you can do anything you can put your mind to, that I'm not my mother, that any BODY can run. 

I waved as I ran past and finished in 2:08:46. Four minutes off my time from The River Run in 2016.

Monday, April 16, 2018

Cameron Ten Months

Cameron turned TEN MONTHS old on Sunday. Ten months! This kid definitely holds his own in our family and you definitely don't forget he's here. He will start scream-talking to remind you when his big brother and sister are super loud. While he's generally still a happy baby, he will def1initely let you know when he's not. He's also attached to his mama and gets pissed when I go anywhere without him. 


He now has seven teeth, five of which cut through in the last three weeks, super fun for us! Especially me because he has started biting me while nursing and it hurts so bad. They other two also bit me, it only happened a couple times. This kid though, it's his way of telling me he doesn't want to nurse right now! In the last couple weeks he's taken off Army crawling and definitely gets around. He can get up on all fours, but just can't coordinate moving like that. I'm glad he finally started really moving and it's how Ewan did so I think it's cute. Ewan and Cecily? They've had to learn that we weren't kidding when we said they have to start putting their things away once he's moving. They're constantly asking me to come get him because he crawled over to them and they can't play. 


He absolutely loves food and if you'r eating, you're expected to share or get yelled at. I don't think he's tried a food he hasn't liked yet. Such a big kid, his first birthday is coming up fast. It's hard to believe that the actual planning will begin very soon!

Saturday, April 7, 2018

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Papa John's 10 Miler

I ran this race with my friend Mary Rose, with whom I ran the Anthem 5k this year. I'm not where I was in running before Cameron so going into it I knew I wouldn't finish 10 miles in the time I did the River Run a few years ago. But when I woke up to this on the radar on my phone, I said screw it I'm just going to have fun hanging out with my friend and we will finish when we finish. I had no idea if it would be icy or not and running fast wasn't worth falling on my butt. 


It was SO COLD before the start of the race, even with my additional layers but I knew that I would warm up. I was afraid that I was going to be overdressed once we got going, but I was perfect. Warm, but not melting. The snow picked up and my hair was covered before we even started the race. Snow in April, but climate change doesn't exist, right?


Her dad took a few photos of us running at the start and near the finish. 

We started out pretty strong but within the first mile Mary Rose's knee started hurting so we took it easy alternating running and walking. The race goes around a park that has lots of hills and is really pretty. So we walked up the hills and ran the flats and downhills. It was really pretty going through there. 


Alan's parents live really close to the park and I was concerned that I might have to nurse Cameron somewhere at that point but when I texted Alan he said Cam was fine. Whew! I brought some pumped milk but he's never really taken a bottle before and this was the longest I have been away from him so I wasn't sure how he would do. Thankfully he did great. 

The course is basically an out and back, with the ring road around the park as the turn around. On the way back, somewhere around 7.5-8 miles Mary Rose mentioned that if we could finish in the next 30 minutes we would finish with an average pace of 16:30. Well, we blew that out of the water finishing right around 16 minutes per mile. 


You have to go up and over the bridge to get to the finish and that was the only part that was icy. We started running the downhill and once I realized she wasn't right behind me, I just went for it. I was so close to the finish and was just done with being out there in the cold and I wanted my pizza. So, I finished in 2:39:49. Mary Rose finished about 40 seconds behind me. 


We had a great time chatting about life and it made the miles go by quickly. And she talked me into doing a trail half marathon at the end of the month...the day after my second 10 miler. I think I really am crazy!

Monday, April 2, 2018

Spring Break 2018: Washington D.C.

For the kids' spring break we decided to take a trip to Washington D.C. Since I was pregnant last year and then we had a newborn, we didn't take a vacation at all last year so we decided to do a short trip this year. We chose Washington D.C. because it's a full days' drive from us and there are a ton of things to do that are free. Plus, Ewan has been reading books about the city and we knew he would love to see everything in person. 


Because Easter was also the week of spring break, we came back a few days early instead of staying the entire week like we would've done otherwise. So we really only had three full days there. I was so looking forward to seeing the cherry blossoms in bloom and going to the festival but because spring has been drunk these last few weeks they weren't in bloom yet. In fact, it was pretty cold and rainy. But we didn't let that stop us! 

We spent the first day exploring the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History and going to see the White House, Lincoln Memorial and Washington Monument. The kids were so excited to see the dinosaurs and Cecily got these pterodactyl wings that she wore all day. It was so funny because she would "fly" across the street then beckon us forth once she had made sure it was safe. She was definitely a hit as we were walking around the city. 





The kids walked pretty much all of Monday and were exhausted. We took the metro back to our hotel in Virginia during rush hour and we decided that we would take it easy on Tuesday to give them a little break. All we did was spend the day at the National Zoo. Ewan has been going on and on and on about seeing the pandas - I think seeing them was the thing he was most excited about - so of course we couldn't miss it. Unfortunately it started raining about halfway through our trip and we had left our umbrellas and ponchos at the hotel so we cut it short. But we did see the pandas, elephants, gorillas, small mammals and some other animals that I can't remember. 





We started our third and final day at the Capitol building. Along with the White House and pandas, this was the other thing Ewan had to see. He and Alan explored while I fed Cameron and Cecily "napped" in the stroller. After walking around all day Monday she decided she was riding the bottom of Cameron's stroller. It wasn't worth the fight and she's so tiny that she fit perfectly. Afterward, we went to the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, which is my favorite. I'm a total space nerd and I love seeing all the spacecraft and artifacts from various missions. Since we didn't go first thing in the morning, that place was nuts! It was so crowded and really stressful keeping the kids from running off in different directions. Cecily was bored after about five minutes and wanted to go ride the carousel in front of the castle building. But, we were able to get through a good chunk of the museum. 



Even though there were a few not so great moments (me throwing up on the metro from motion sickness...), overall we had a really great trip. It such a great place to bring kids and I know that we will be back again once they're all a little older. 

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Fruit and Chocolate Quesadillas

I started making these a few weeks ago for myself as a snack and the kids asked to try it. They have seriously had one almost every day since.


They are super easy to make and relatively healthy. This is great because my kids come home from school HANGRY and want something ready before I pick them up. All you do is spread some butter and sprinkle cinnamon on the outside of the quesadilla, place in hot skillet, then put thin fruit slices with chocolate chips on the inside, melt the chocolate and you're done. I've only used apples and bananas but you could use whatever fruit you want really. I've also added marshmallows sometimes too. My son is super picky so getting him to willingly eat fruit or veggies in any form is a win.


INGREDIENTS:
1 small tortilla
1 tbs butter
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 small apple or banana, thinly sliced
1 tbs chocolate chips

DIRECTIONS:
Spread butter or margarine on one side of tortilla, sprinkle cinnamon and place in hot skillet buttered side down.
Place fruit slices ans chocolate chips on one half or the tortilla and fold the other half on top.
Heat through then flip to heat other side.

Hope you enjoy these as much as we do!

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Cameron Nine Months

Cameron is nine months old today. Just three more to go until he's one. I say this every time but it blows my mind. This past year, while much harder than I imagined has been a whirlwind. Now that we're going into spring (maybe - we had snow and ice earlier this week!) I'm starting to plan my garden, enjoy the outdoors more and really start planning someone's first birthday. Eek!


Little man is currently sick with a cold and pretty grouchy. A couple nights ago he had a barking cough and fever so I think it's actually croup. I was able to get a few smiles this morning though. He is normally super happy so I know he doesn't feel good, poor guy. 

He is very slowly Army crawling, but only when he's really motivated for something. I keep waiting for him to just take off but maybe he'll be one of those kids who skips crawling? Who knows. He still loves food and gets mad when you eat in front of him. At my in-laws last weekend my mother-in-law gave Ewan a sandwich and boy did Cameron not like that. He cut his third tooth and it looks like at least one more will be coming soon. 


He definitely has some separation anxiety and I have to be within reach at pretty much all times. He babbles all the time but when he sees someone he doesn't know he just stares. It cracks me up at the grocery because you can hear him throughout the store but when the cashier tries to talk to him, silence. 

We're taking the kids to Washington D.C. over spring break so it'll be interesting to see how he does on the trip. The rest of us are super excited though!

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Anthem 5k 2018

This past Saturday I ran the Anthem 5k in Louisville with a friend of mine. We ran it together back in 2016 too. Back then it was her first race postpartum and while this technically wasn't my first postpartum race, I consider it to be because the Thanksgiving Day race I did was accidental since I missed the turn around for the one mile. 

I came into this race with no expectations because while I have been running regularly and training for a couple ten milers and a half coming up this spring, it's been super hard. I really just wanted to finish and have fun spending time with my friend. This year they did corrals based on the predicted finish time you put and we got put into the second to last corral. No biggie we thought as we lined up. Until we noticed what appeared to be walkers all around us. We slowly started inching forward and to the sides because we knew we were going to have to dodge them. 

And boy did we! We spend the entire race dodging walkers, some of whom were walking the entire width of the street. Which for those of you non runners, is super annoying and really bad etiquette. Our official time was 43:16 with a pace of 13:56, but it's not really accurate. That's based on running 3.1 miles, when according to my watch I ran 3.24 miles in 43:22 with a pace of 13:22 a mile. The discrepancy is because of all the weaving. 

We had a lot of fun catching up and will be running the first of my 10 milers together in April, also in Louisville. I didn't take any photos but my friend loves selfies, so here's one of us after the race. 


Monday, February 19, 2018

Cameron Eight Months

I'm flabbergasted that I'm writing Cam's eight month update. His first year has been flying by and while he's at a really fun age now, I'm so not ready for my baby to be one. 


He turned eight months old on the 15th and loves life. He sits up very well and manages to move himself generally where he wants to go even though he's not crawling. The other two were crawling by eight months so I keep telling myself every kid is different and not to freak out. He is very verbal and constantly babbling though so maybe he's working on that right now instead. I'm pretty sure he was yelling at me a few days ago when one of his toys got out of his reach and he wanted me to get it. This kid can also eat. He just goes to town with whatever we give him.

As for me, physically this kid has wreaked havoc on my body during pregnancy and I'm still dealing with some issues. It's incredibly frustrating and I'm just over it. Stupid hormones. I am finally getting into a regular running/workout routine and that is really nice. Especially considering I have a 10 mile race and a half marathon coming up this spring. Now if only my running clothes fit...

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Taking a Facebreak

Yesterday I decided to take a Facebrak for awhile. As you know, I've been suffering from post-partum depression. I already don't follow a bunch of people that I'm friends with because for numerous reasons seeing their posts was upsetting. I also deleted the Facebook app from my phone so I wouldn't get notifications nonstop and be a little less plugged in. However, I started using my phone's browser more and more to check. But yesterday I just couldn't take it anymore. I have good days and bad days, but Facebook in general makes me feel even worse about myself than I already do. So, I deactivated my account. 

Am I suffering from FOMO? A little. I know that some people only communicate through Facebook and that I will miss out on invites to birthday parties, game nights and other events. I even had a friend flat out tell me that they just don't have time to text. But for my own mental health I just can't look at all the happy go lucky photos or the political rants and memes right now. I know that people usually only share the happy moments, but it makes me feel like crap. Intellectually, yes I know that I have a pretty good life, but how I feel most days is a different matter. That's the beauty of depression. 

As I enter my late 30's I've realized that I just can't with so many people. Maybe it's a bad attitude to have but I'm so over constantly getting my feelings hurt and I just need a break.

Friday, January 19, 2018

Cameron Seven Months

Cameron turned seven months old last Monday. I was looking at his monthly stickers and it made me a little sad to realize that he only has a few left and that these months of babyhood before he turns one are going to fly by. I already have ideas for his first birthday but I'm trying not to think about that too much...


While wobbly, he can sit up for short periods before toppling over. He has definitely found his feet and chews on them constantly. He now has two teeth and is sure to try to put anything and everything into his mouth to test them out. He has started eating some solids, a mixture of purees and baby led weaning. Basically if you're eating he wants to be too, although Momma's milk is still his favorite. 

This kid loves to laugh and one of his favorite games is to grab your face and push it every which way. It's apparently the funniest thing ever. Now if only we could get to sleep longer than 2 hour stretches at night again...

Powder and Domino

We are surrendering our almost 12 year old cats today. For the last five years they have lived in our spare bedroom since one has horrible anxiety. Now that we have Cameron, that room is becoming his bedroom. We've tried several times to find a home for them with no luck. So to the shelter they go.


I know that they deserve more attention and care than what we have given them, but that doesn't mean I don't feel horrible about it. My grad school roommates adopted them when they were six weeks and eight weeks old and they've been with me ever since. They moved from IN to PA and back to IN. I'm terrified that they won't be adopted and will live the rest of their lives in a tiny cage. I'm upset that they're leaving the only home they've known and are going to be so scared and confused.Alan thinks I'm being ridiculous but I'm entitled to feel how I feel and my feelings are valid. Right now I feel like crap.  
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