2018Back Home Again: 2018

Monday, February 19, 2018

Cameron Eight Months

I'm flabbergasted that I'm writing Cam's eight month update. His first year has been flying by and while he's at a really fun age now, I'm so not ready for my baby to be one. 


He turned eight months old on the 15th and loves life. He sits up very well and manages to move himself generally where he wants to go even though he's not crawling. The other two were crawling by eight months so I keep telling myself every kid is different and not to freak out. He is very verbal and constantly babbling though so maybe he's working on that right now instead. I'm pretty sure he was yelling at me a few days ago when one of his toys got out of his reach and he wanted me to get it. This kid can also eat. He just goes to town with whatever we give him.

As for me, physically this kid has wreaked havoc on my body during pregnancy and I'm still dealing with some issues. It's incredibly frustrating and I'm just over it. Stupid hormones. I am finally getting into a regular running/workout routine and that is really nice. Especially considering I have a 10 mile race and a half marathon coming up this spring. Now if only my running clothes fit...

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Taking a Facebreak

Yesterday I decided to take a Facebrak for awhile. As you know, I've been suffering from post-partum depression. I already don't follow a bunch of people that I'm friends with because for numerous reasons seeing their posts was upsetting. I also deleted the Facebook app from my phone so I wouldn't get notifications nonstop and be a little less plugged in. However, I started using my phone's browser more and more to check. But yesterday I just couldn't take it anymore. I have good days and bad days, but Facebook in general makes me feel even worse about myself than I already do. So, I deactivated my account. 

Am I suffering from FOMO? A little. I know that some people only communicate through Facebook and that I will miss out on invites to birthday parties, game nights and other events. I even had a friend flat out tell me that they just don't have time to text. But for my own mental health I just can't look at all the happy go lucky photos or the political rants and memes right now. I know that people usually only share the happy moments, but it makes me feel like crap. Intellectually, yes I know that I have a pretty good life, but how I feel most days is a different matter. That's the beauty of depression. 

As I enter my late 30's I've realized that I just can't with so many people. Maybe it's a bad attitude to have but I'm so over constantly getting my feelings hurt and I just need a break.

Friday, January 19, 2018

Cameron Seven Months

Cameron turned seven months old last Monday. I was looking at his monthly stickers and it made me a little sad to realize that he only has a few left and that these months of babyhood before he turns one are going to fly by. I already have ideas for his first birthday but I'm trying not to think about that too much...


While wobbly, he can sit up for short periods before toppling over. He has definitely found his feet and chews on them constantly. He now has two teeth and is sure to try to put anything and everything into his mouth to test them out. He has started eating some solids, a mixture of purees and baby led weaning. Basically if you're eating he wants to be too, although Momma's milk is still his favorite. 

This kid loves to laugh and one of his favorite games is to grab your face and push it every which way. It's apparently the funniest thing ever. Now if only we could get to sleep longer than 2 hour stretches at night again...

Powder and Domino

We are surrendering our almost 12 year old cats today. For the last five years they have lived in our spare bedroom since one has horrible anxiety. Now that we have Cameron, that room is becoming his bedroom. We've tried several times to find a home for them with no luck. So to the shelter they go.


I know that they deserve more attention and care than what we have given them, but that doesn't mean I don't feel horrible about it. My grad school roommates adopted them when they were six weeks and eight weeks old and they've been with me ever since. They moved from IN to PA and back to IN. I'm terrified that they won't be adopted and will live the rest of their lives in a tiny cage. I'm upset that they're leaving the only home they've known and are going to be so scared and confused.Alan thinks I'm being ridiculous but I'm entitled to feel how I feel and my feelings are valid. Right now I feel like crap.  
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