I kind of had a mental breakdown last night.
You know, the kind where you just bawl your eyes out and cry yourself to sleep. I went to the last meeting for the year of the organization I have been counting down until my tenure is complete and something was said that was offensive and I was really upset. Not only that, but I have always felt out of place within this organization and almost always come home feeling unappreciated and unwelcome. For someone that was an officer and who
does do did a lot, that is pretty hurtful. And especially for someone who feels out of place in pretty much all social situations because they're an introvert.
I posted on my Instagram and personal Facebook page saying that I am having a rough day (I am - both Alan and I are) and that I could really just use some love and someone to tell me that I am ok, that there's nothing wrong with me - because honestly that's how I feel most of the time. That there must be something wrong with me because I don't feel like I fit in anywhere.
In the grand scheme of things it seems silly that I feel this way. But it is how I feel.
And my feelings are valid, whether or not you may think so. It's kind of like "at least you have a healthy baby." Of course you're grateful, but how you feel about your birth matters too. I know that it probably comes across as attention-seeking or whatever - in a way it is and I know that there are those out there that are like "I don't need someone like her in my life." But you know what? Some days you just need someone to tell you that you are loved, that you are appreciated and that you are welcome.
Today is one of those days.