I've been thinking about something a friend of mine said to me recently:
The ultimate lesson that took me too long to learn was to let it go. I'm not their friend, I can't make them be my friend (my true friend), and trying isn't worth it. It sucks but you'll be so much happier when you move on.
This was so eloquently stated and I can't get this out of my head.
I'm the kind of person that puts my heart and soul into the relationships around me and I always wind up hurt because that effort isn't reciprocated. It's such a conundrum because I am so tired of constantly being in a state of being hurt and upset by this kind of thing, yet that's who I am.
How do you change something that deeply ingrained about yourself? Especially when it's something that you value as a good trait - being kind unto others - and don't want to turn into a less caring person.
There have been some events recently that have left me deeply hurt and I just can't do this anymore. This isn't good for my health and I'm tired of always feeling like crap and like there's something wrong with me.
So, I am re-evaluating everything. Friendships, relationships with family members, organizations I'm associated with. Everything.
I'm not a quitter, so I will finish out things I have already committed to or that I have paid for. But aside from that, we'll see. If it means that the only people I talk to are Alan and the kids, then so be it I guess.
At least I know I'll be around people that really value me.