Our Stories Deserve to Be Heard Too | Back Home Again: Our Stories Deserve to Be Heard Too

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Our Stories Deserve to Be Heard Too

I get it. I really do. No one wants to hear birth horror stories, they just want to hear about the ones with happy endings, as evidenced by the response (or lack of) I got to my recent birth stories and birth plans post. Does that mean that I will stop posting about my journey back into the light from birth trauma and ppd? Absolutely not. My story, and others like mine, deserve and need to be heard too, both as a cautionary tale and for their own healing.

As I've been reading others' birth stories, I come across countless stories of induction, elective or for "medical" reasons and all sorts of interventions. I wonder after reading each one "do they know how lucky they are that everything turned out well?" I may be wrong, but I genuinely don't think they do. I am happy for them, but also sad for them for buying into everything that is spouted by the medical profession. I know that compared to most if not all of these women, I am extremely crunchy (which cracks me up because I don't think of myself that way at all - and I know so many women who are much more so than me!) and they probably think I'm nuts. Which is fine.

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The one story that really got me though, was one that was so similar to my son's birth and I could really relate to it. Until the end. Where she stated that "The only thing that matters at all, is that your baby arrives safely, and that you and baby are healthy and in one piece at the end of the experience." This made me so sad and angry. Sad because it appears that this woman has bought into what was told to her and angry because well, see below :-) I actually typed up a response while nursing at 3AM but deleted it before posting because I decided to address it here.

This statement is absolutely false. Yes it does matter how you feel about the birth. Am I glad my son was healthy? Why, of course! But, when a woman who is suffering from birth trauma hears that, this is what they really hear: 

“You don’t matter. What you feel isn’t important. You’re pain isn’t real or significant. Don’t you care about your baby at all? You’re so selfish.”

This just makes me so angry. How would you feel if you found out you were lied to about the necessity of your c-section, if you were told repeatedly that you're imagining feeling the cut yet you really are feeling everything, that your baby is in distress when the only distress is your doctor's because he wanted to get home in time for dinner? This list can go on and on. 

So, you're ok with your c-section. Great! Good for you. Believe me, there are so many times I have wished I could just magically be ok with it and move on. But I can't, I'm still grieving. We're all moms here, why don't we support each other, no matter the circumstances. Please don't invalidate my feelings or anyone else's just because you happen to feel fine about it, thanks.

3 comments:

  1. I'm with you girl, you know it. I could have written this myself!
    I was thinking about writing myself a birth story of how I wish my births went. I wonder if that would be helpful or harmful in the end.

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  2. Hi Holly! I've been silent because I've seen a few posts since following you but don't know the whole story. It's not that I don't care at all, but I hate to ask questions if they would end up bringing up pain for you. Keep posting your thoughts and stories. I can't relate to what you've gone through personally, but I do know that you are by no means alone and by sharing, you are helping not only yourself, but any other woman who CAN relate and sees what you are doing.

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